Easter with an eating disorder sucks!
It is a very stressful, challenging and triggering time, as with most of the holidays. You just get over Christmas and the New Year celebrations, and BOOM the Easter eggs are out. At work (I work in a newsagents), we have had creme eggs out since December last year. It is all too much now as the day draws closer, with only two days to go.
Easter used to be an exciting time of year as a kid, the same with Christmas, getting numerous of eggs and just gave you a reason to stuff your face with chocolate and have two weeks off from school. However it is completely different now.
Since developing an eating disorder in 2012, Easter and the other holidays are far from easy, and I have to mentally prepare myself for the days. I used to be able to eat chocolate eggs just like that and not care, but that has all changed and will never be the same. Instead of being a happy and enjoyable day spent with family, giving a receiving chocolate is now torturous. I can now tell you exactly how many calories are in a creme egg, or per seven mini eggs etc. The whole thing freaks me out. Worrying about calories, and thinking how lazy, fat and disgusting I am to and so on (you wouldn't want to know). How I would need to compensate or do whatever just to get it out of my system. At my worst, I used to give my eggs away to siblings because it was all too much, I was never going to eat the eggs, so what was the point having them?
The eggs are staring at me in the face at work and have been for months now, they are now finally flying off of the shelves much to my relief. But I just think 'why?', 'how can people do that?', when in fact it is completely normal. There are so many I would love to try, but just the idea of a small one, my head is like 'NO!' Knowing I am probably at least going to be getting two this Sunday, is freaking me out, I will glad to get it out of the way, although I would rather sleep through the whole of it entirely. The voice will scream on Sunday, I know it will, the anxiety has been building (not just about Easter but other stuff going on in my life) but I will just have to get on with it and stay strong as they say. At least it is only one day and there are no other holidays until December where we will have done another full cycle.
Have a great Easter everybody.
